Raising Boys With Purpose in a Noisy Home

“You have your hands full.”
“That must be a busy house.”
“I can’t imagine your future grocery bill.”

Those comments—usually followed by looks of shock and aww—come up often when people realize we’re parents to five young boys. The only real response is agreement. But I’d be lying if I said those comments don’t also make me feel proud and seen for both the joys and the struggles of parenting.

The truth is, all of these comments apply to any family raising children. Parenting is hard. The challenges we face today don’t make it any easier. But the joy each of my boys brings is worth every hard moment, every tough parenting decision, and every difficult lesson.

Over time, we’ve learned a few things that we try to keep in mind as we raise our boys. Here are some of our tips and tricks.

1. Keep them moving (a lot!)

Boys have so much energy, so active games and activities are key to keeping everyone’s moods in check. The longer they stay stagnant, the more restless and irritable they become. Movement can even be a discipline tool—whether that’s a jog down the street, a few push-ups, or jumping jacks. With boys, we’ve found that releasing pent-up energy is often necessary to help them reset their attitude.

2. Expect rough play (it starts earlier than you’d think)

As a woman, roughhousing feels abnormal—but for boys, it’s constant. They can’t help themselves. Touching, pestering, and wrestling seem to be in their DNA. What I’ve learned, though, is that it can quickly escalate from fun and games to angry punches.

Boys have a need to play rough, and that’s okay. What we watch for is The Look. You know the one—the shift from laughing and playful to angry and intense. Think of those old cartoons with the red-faced bull, steam coming out of its nostrils, ready to charge. When The Look shows up, it’s usually time for a diversion and a redirection.

3. Give them responsibility early

This is something I honestly wish we had been more intentional about sooner. Our boys are encouraged to help around the house, but we haven’t always been great at structured chores when they were younger. As our older two hit mid-elementary years, we added responsibilities like making their beds, putting away clean clothes, and emptying the dishwasher.

Over the years, we’ve also encouraged them to do small jobs for neighbors. This past year, we even helped them name their “business” and pass out flyers. They genuinely enjoy the work, and in the process, we get to teach them a whole different set of skills.

4. Encourage independence

All kids go through the “I do it!” phase, but there feels like an added pressure to raise strong, confident men when you’re raising boys. There are times I have to set aside my desire to get things done quickly and allow little hands to learn and try on their own—even if it takes longer. That patience pays off.

5. Be PRESENT more than perfect

Young boys spell love T-I-M-E. Floor time, eye contact, reading books, playing trucks, or just listening matters more than perfectly executed parenting strategies. It’s so easy to get caught up in doing all the things or distracted by our phones.

Something I have to remind myself daily is to stop and enjoy the moment. The kitchen won’t clean itself, and the laundry won’t fold itself—but it can wait. Don’t miss the evening couch snuggles or that board game because you’re too busy trying to do everything else. Those things will still be there later, but the moment will be gone in the blink of an eye.

6. Teach them about Jesus

The most important tip I can give is to help your children love and know Jesus Christ. Our kids are exposed to so much at a much younger age than we ever imagined. Without the truth of God’s Word, it’s easy for them to be misdirected.

Don’t get me wrong—children will eventually make their own choices. But we believe the truth of “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). With so much negativity and fear in the world, raising children without the hope and love of Jesus Christ makes destructive paths that much easier to follow. Pray for your children without ceasing.

I hope you can take a small nugget from our experience and try it in your own household as you raise your Noisy Dirt.